[I started drafting this last Monday - Columbus Day. I didn't finish, I guess.]
I should be packing for my trip. But the dryer is running, and … I don’t wanna go.* So I’ll write a post, instead.
Jules is now 5′ 8.5″. She grew a half inch in the past week or so. She comes into the room, and I look at her chest, because it’s where I expect her face to be. But it’s not. And she’s not done, yet. I know she has more in her. No wonder I can’t call her Mouse anymore (although, I do – in real life – call her that all the time).
She went for a quick prep-session today with a voice coach we know. Neither of the girls had been to see her since the spring, but we were very surprised when we contacted her this month for help with some audition prep and she said, “I really want to help them, but just to let you know, I’m 40 weeks pregnant!” Jules got very anxious. ”Can’t I go with Emma? Do I have to go alone? What if she has the baby while I’m there!!!???” I tried to explain to her that first babies come sloooowwwww. It wasn’t going to just squirt out between notes on the piano. But she remained anxious.
And I’m not sure why she has these anxieties. But she does. Not only about babies being born instantaneously, but also about getting in an airplane.
So, here we are. It’s October. Jules is 14, and she’s a little more fierce than she used to be in her refusals to fly. I really do acknowledge that this fear of flying is likely something deeper, but I found myself less than 2 months from this year’s Thanksgiving visit to the Middle of the Country and her NOT in therapy to explore why she’s really afraid to fly. Maybe the Ex would just shrug if I told him that Mouse didn’t want to go because of her fear, and that Emma wouldn’t go without her sister. But I think that the girls will be better served by having the opportunity for a relationship with their father. And while J doesn’t really seem [again, with the need for therapy] to care if she ever sees him again, Em really wants to go, but ONLY with her sister. So there’s this tension/conflict.
And I don’t want to test it. I just don’t want to figure out what to do if one of them insists they’re NOT GOING. So.
I mean, two years ago David and I went to New Orleans for Thanksgiving. It was a great time; we loved exploring and tasting. So — why not do the same in the Middle of the Country?
But then, since David is working now, it wasn’t a given that he could miss work on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And Emma wanted to play a Powderpuff football game. But there was no way we could leave at 5 or 6 pm on Weds. and get to the Middle of the Country (Hello, 18 hour drive) in time for them to even spend Thanksgiving with their father.
So – here’s the plan:
Jules and I take Wednesday off from work and school, and we get in the car. Probably at 5 a.m. We will spend that night in a motel somewhere in Indiana, and get on the road again the next morning by 7 a.m., the same time that David and Emma will get on a plane. Jules and I will get to the airport at the same time that David and Emma land, and the Ex will meet us there. He’ll take the girls, and David and I will drive to Chicago.
We have a couple of days there, including Thanksgiving day & dinner. We have a huge list of things to do, and not enough time to do it in. I’m hugely looking forward to it.
Unless, of course, things don’t go my way and I need to be in the Virgin Islands – again – on the Monday after Thanksgiving. We are asking permission to attend a conference by phone, but we don’t know that will be granted. Fingers crossed.
* Oh, yes, I am a roller coaster. First I don’t want to go, then I’m excited to go, and now I don’t want to go. I’m missing a lot this week, and I’m not happy about it. I’ll be in “airplane mode” while things will be heated in my case, and I’m not happy about it. It’s one thing to be nervous about my first deposition and my first mediation, and it’s a completely different thing to be worried about all of that on top of — do I have everything I need in my suitcase? How many binders? How many boxes of documents? Will I have a printer? It’s just too much. TOO MUCH! not to mention the other 4 cases that I’m active on and I will be GONE!!! And – also – the real sadness – is the home life. It’s a crazy week here, and I’m just —- missing it. The girls are anxious, they have play auditions, games, meets, tests, quizzes — I want to be here. I want to give them a hug and a kiss and tell them that they’re wonderful. I don’t want to call them on the phone and tell them that they’re wonderful. Bummer.