The Virgin Islands Can Suck It

I went to the Virgin Islands this week. I posted about it on Facebook. I had mentioned that it was for a hearing, that I'd be there for less than 24 hours (22, to be exact), but my friends (these particular ones are also lawyers) kept giving me recommendations for beaches and shopping and other islands.

The hearing was relatively high-stakes. I need to be careful not to say too much, but we really, really needed a continuance on a pending trial date, because we'd only just been engaged and [redacted]. And by “pending trial date” I mean – if I lost, I'd be flying back within the week.

I won. I was proud of my motion, and I thought it would be effective, so I should be proud. Elated. Relieved.

 

I'm not.

I'm miserable.

Let's take a little diversion, or two:

First:

Lemon is in her junior year of high school. This means PSATs and SATs. It means college research. She decided over the summer that nothing would be better than going back “home” for college. “Home” being the city of her birth, of her first 8 years of life. Meaning she thinks UC Berkeley is her top college choice.

I may or may not think she can get in. I know how competitive it is; I know out of state students are at a huge disadvantage. I know those out of state students are also a counted-on revenue stream, making financial aide harder to come by. And I know that their current budget issues make it a real question as to whether – assuming she does get in and we can afford it – it's actually a wise choice.

But we aren't at the decision-making phase. We are at the exploration phase. We are at the motivational phase. We are at the “world is your oyster” phase.

It was also her 16 birthday last week. She didn't want a party. She wanted a trip. With me. To California. To visit home, to visit my sister, to visit our old friends. We hadn't been back since 2009. And to see UC Berkeley.

As much as she wanted a trip, she also has crew. And AP classes. And stress. So scheduling was an issue.

But we found a weekend. After crew, corresponding with a teacher work day. She'd only miss one day of her AP classes. It was perfect. We bought tickets. The two of us are going 11/1 through 11/6.

Second.

I'm 40 this year. It's a deal for me. Since I started law school, my age has been a deal. Either I'm too old compared to fellow first students/then associates at my seniority level, or I'm too young for the fellow parents in our affluent urbanish community. It feels like a CONSTANT deal. So, about three years ago, I started declaring that I was having a party. A 40th birthday party. I will celebrate my age with those younger than me, and my youth with those older. I've rented a space (my house isn't an open floor plan, I can't have the 50 peeps I plan to have at home). I've sent save the dates. My friends have it on their calendars. My sister bought a ticket to come from CA. We planned to go the day after to get tattoos, and she is going to stay through Monday to hang out. I plan to take the day off.

I turn 40 in very early December. My party is set for December 1st.

Back to the point:

So, I won my motion today. In the stupid, goddamned 9,000 degree Virgin Islands. I wore a suit while lugging a suitcase, a very heavy briefcase, a red weld full of statutes, cases, past discovery, and a binder full of motions and oppositions. In the blazing sun. I went to lunch with my client for the full hour before the hearing, because it's what he wanted to do, and I tried to eat a Caesar salad while trembling at the sheer number of legal issues and pending motions that were potentially going to be raised at the pre trial hearing in 40 – 30 – 20 – 10 minutes. Dispositive motions that I had 2 days to prep for. I dealt with icy stares from opposing counsel (x 3).

And I won.

We got the continuance.

And during my layover, I got the court's notice with our new schedule.

Dispositive motions will be heard on November 8th.

Trial is on december3rd.

As much as I love my job, I am currently questioning my decision to become a lawyer.

 

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Say No More

I’m thinking I’m done here.

I don’t have time.

I still have things to say, but not to the Internet, I guess.

I can’t talk about my clients or my law practice.

I shouldn’t talk about my daughters. They’re too old for that.

Maybe I’ll drift back now and again. Maybe I’ll find a new, more anonymous place. For now, though, I’m feeling done.

Bye?

Discord.

I’ve gone on and on and on about how great vacation was, how lovely the girls are, how much fun we had.

Well.

Let’s just say it’s time for a change in that tone.

The drive home was HELL!!  Those girls!  They are bad, bad, bad.

My facebook post at 10;30 a.m., which was, by the way, 40 minutes into our drive home:

We’ve been on the road for less than an hour & I’ve already pulled out half my hair. Not sure when my teenagers turned into toddlers.

And I tagged their sorry butts.

Either they were very hyper together, horsing around and wrestling (in our tiny hybrid’s backseat), or they were fighting, complete with throwing of projectiles and punches (under the guise of a “punchbuggy” response).

In the home stretch, Lemon had a meltdown of 3 or 4 year old proportions.  I was seething with anger.  David kept trying to soothe me with pats on the leg and rubs of my shoulders, but it didn’t work.  I ended up just blaring the music and refusing to talk to her.  Which she met with, “oh, so you’re giving me the silent treatment???!!  That’s mature.”

And, no, I didn’t slap her.

Not even once.

A miracle considering some of the things she was doing.  Like ripping paper over and over and over, just to get to me.  When I told her to stop, she responded with a very snarky and challenging “Why?“

She never acts like that.  NEVER.

Today, she’s taking her punishment rather well, which is that she is responsible for cleaning out the car and unpacking much of the vacation stuff.

Next time, if we go that far south again (before yesterday’s drive it was unanimous that the drive was worth it, and that we would be returning), we are (a) going with a bigger car (we all were talking about our “next car” as if the trade-in to a cross-over SUV were already in the works, yesterday’s marathon (15 hour) drive has me contemplating a trip to the dealer today); and (b) we have to break up the drive home.  We did the drive there in 2 days, but decided it made more sense to just barrel through on the way home so we’d have today to prep for the week in front of us.  But it was a mistake.  I don’t think a bigger car would solve all aspects of it; I think we need to spread it out over 2 days.

 

Day 1*, Part 2

Lemon and Mouse

Lemon in the waves.

Poorly framed Mouse

(But helps to ensure a modest photo)

Frolicking (Lemon)

Sisterhoodship.

before we realized that I did a shitty job on his sunscreen application . . . 

(I think he’s cute!)

This picture disorients me (and the rest of the fam) – People tell me my girls look

alike, and I scoff at them.  They do not know what they are talking about!

But here, Mousey looks like Lemon. We were all confused when the picture came out.

Me.  And I not only didn’t delete it – I’m posting it.  Huh.

Purchasing these took 2 hours out of our beach day.  

I can’t imagine how red we’d be without them.

Cool clouds over her head.

Another Selfie that I didn’t delete.  I even made it my FB Profile Pic.

End-of-day.  David and I wanted to stay until closer to sunset, but the girls were beat & craving air conditioning.

Go figure.

* Not the first day of vacation; we left home on Friday morning.  But Day 1 of the beach, and that, really, was the whole point.

Today, I live in a city.

Before Mouse got on my nerves, as I sat and struggled with my brief (the certified questions don’t actually match the real issues; it’s a bummer), I heard sirens.  I always do.  Sometimes they persist, and I might even turn around and look out the window to look for smoke or some other sign of What’s Going On.  Today, I didn’t.  I just heard them.  And I struggled with my brief.

Later, someone send an email to ~Everyone.  ”If you are going to Superior Court this afternoon, allow extra time.  Someone was found guilty, and their “posse” started a fight in front of the courthouse, 4 people were stabbed, and one was killed.  The streets are closed.”

The courthouse is kind of across the street from my office.  ”Kind of” because before you get to the street, you have to cross a big brick plaza.

Up until a couple weeks ago, there was a circus on that plaza.  This week, it’s the Scooper Bowl.  Honestly, the Scooper Bowl has been annoying me.  They keep playing really loud music, especially around 4:30, 5:00 – likely when most people get out of school and work, but also when I am under the gun to finish my work and GO HOME.  The music is hard to block out. It’s annoying.

Yet, despite the annoyance, there are the memories. I, personally, have never been to the Scooper Bowl.  But when I was in law school, and in my early days at the BigFirm when the girls were still young, their after school program used to go  - every year.  As they got older, and were no longer in after school programs, they’d still go.  Lemon would just go with her friends, and Mouse would go with a friend and a mom.

So today, when I was on the phone with a client, looking out the window (because if my back isn’t turned to my computer, I get distracted by incoming emails, whether they relate to other cases or to graduation, or to Mad Men), I took note of the obvious field trips lined up outside the Scooper Bowl.  Hundreds of people, ready for their $10 worth of unlimited ice cream.  And I had warm feelings.

It was only an hour later that 4 people were stabbed across the street from that crowd of charity-contributing-gluttons.  Because someone was found guilty of murder, and other people got angry.

I found it disturbing. usually we love how close our firm is to the courthouse.  Today?  Not so much.

Later, David and I were chatting about the fact that Mouse was no longer being a brat, and he said, “there are multiple helicopters hovering overhead, they’re really close.”  Then he sent me a link, once he figured out what was going on.  The train station referred to in that article means that the helicopters were really and truly RIGHT OVER OUR HOUSE.  That’s how close.

 

Laid Back Weekend

This has been a great weekend.  I had an amazing week at work, and went into the weekend with no dangling loose ends.  I meant some friends from BigFirm for drinks and dinner after work on Friday, and then came home to a house full of teenagers.  David and I hung out with books in our bedroom, and actually read until we were the last people awake in the house – unheard of!

On Saturday, I had to cancel my run with my friend because Lemon forgot she needed a ride to her crew practice.  I was bummed about that, because if she remembered and we had planned it in, I would have run earlier. But instead I found out 15 minutes before my run, and there was no way to reschedule it.  Feh. 

But the day made up for it because then we went to see the Hunger Games!  We brought Mouse and her friends.  I enjoyed the movie.  It had been a long time since I read the books, so I wasn’t agonizing over every little change.  David had read the book on THURSDAY, so he had a different perspective.  He also thought the movie could have done a better job, in general, with its character development, etc.  He said he wished the took the plunge and did the full 3 hour treatment along the lines of Lord of the Rings – that the story and characters could carry such a thing.  I don’t disagree.

It was also a moment of recognizing how my job change and the resulting pay cut affects our day-to-day.  The girls all wanted to come see the movie, and so we ended up spending $55 on tickets instead of $27.  That made me wince.  And in the old days, I would have let them choose what they want from the concession stand.  This time, I did a tub of popcorn for them to share, and water bottles from home.  I told them in advance, and they all said “okay!” with perky and happy voices. I don’t think they minded. 

After the movie, I found myself curled in a chair with the Hunger Games book, wanting to remember more of the details that the others remembered. 

Today, I slept in much later than I meant to – thanks to dreary weather.  And I took Mouse on the T to her voice lesson, as she’s prepping for auditions for the high school singing groups.  I took her on the T because I’d like for her to eventually be going on her own, although she is not happy about the idea of taking the train alone.  Lemon does it without batting an eye, but Mouse isn’t there yet.  

While she was in her lesson, I went to the Barnes & Noble and picked up PSAT prep books.  I want us to be sure that Lemon is ready in the fall, and Mouse is asking to see the books, too.  So after her voice lesson, Mouse and I walked around Back Bay Boston reading the questions out loud.  

We did that on our way to the Apple Store.  And we are now a 4-iphone family.  [let's just ignore the fact that I am talking about the 4th iPhone in the house in the same post that I whimpered about movie snacks.] I gave her my upgrade, and she got the iPhone 4.  (None of us have the 4S.)  Her line is due for an upgrade in September, so if that elusive iPhone 5 comes out in October, like the rumors suggest, I can then use hers to upgrade to the 5.  

And now I am going to do laundry and read The Magicians until it’s time for Mad Men tonight.  David just went out to get the ingredients for this year’s Mad Men cocktail.  I forget what he chose . . . but we are excited to finally spend time with Don & Peggy & Joan & all the rest after such a long break!

Aww, I missed you, too!

My new job has a social media policy.  Written out.  It says that if we blog about legal things, we need to remember that we represent the firm.  Same for Linked In.  Facebook, I’m told, “we don’t care, that’s yours.”  The policy – the written one – includes the following:  ”You agree not to use the firm [equipment? connections? computers?  I don't know, I didn't memorize it] to post to your personal blogs.”

I liked that. They sort of gave me permission, right there, to have a personal blog!  So, hooray!  I respect that. And I respect their request to stay off it during work. 

Work.  

So, I love my new job.  I’m in a completely different world.  A world of lawyering. I used to be in a world of “junior associate”-ing.  But now, I’m lawyering. 

Since I started 3 weeks ago.  In that time, I’ve drafted a 30 page trademark/copyright complaint and the accompanying brief in support of a preliminary injunction, I’ve drafted a brief in support of motion to dismiss, and I’ve drafted a motion that’s been before the court (it won, but honestly – the motion was a formality, so it’s not really a brag).  

The most interesting thing, to me, is that I’ve not only drafted these things.  I’ve crafted them.  I’ve decided what the arguments would be, after getting my bearings in these completely new areas of law.  

It’s just so different.  I used to be handed outlines or drafts and told to fill in the blanks.  Or given a section to write.  Then everything would be completely rewritten, and I wouldn’t find a word of what I had initially put on the page remaining in what was filed.  

I used to be one of 5 or 6 or 8 on a team, and my name never came close to being on the signature line.  Now, it’s me.    I’m the signatory.  I’m the one collaborating with co-defendants, keeping clients apprised.

I used to think that the only way I’d get to argue a motion that I’d collaborated on was if at least 3 people senior to me got struck with the measles. Now I’m first in line.  First in line!  For an argument in Federal Court!

This would be happiness.  I am appreciative.  I am loving that my 9-12 hour days are feeling quick & easy.  Loving a feeling of ownership over my work.  Loving this change.

_______________

In other news:

• I’m still running, and building my stamina.  Not really losing weight, but I think I know what I need to do (add strength training).  
• David hasn’t found a job yet. Having been out of the workforce for a few years hasn’t helped. We’re hoping something will come through soon.  We have savings, but want to keep it that way.
• I rented the house in the Outer Banks again.  I’m fucking going. Late June this year.  I’ve done some research; I’ve analyzed hurricane patterns.  There has never been a hurricane in the Outer Banks in June.
• Then again, it’s never been ninety fucking degrees in Boston in March before, either.
• Mouse gets her braces off next week.  The end of an era.  I can’t wait. (Also, if anyone remembers, everything worked out with Big Firm’s health savings/flex/whatever account. The braces are PAID FOR.)
• Lemon is at the Hunger Games midnight showing tonight.
• Both of them are doing great. I love them. Happy to say that it’s clear that they love me, too. 

It was fun catching up.  Hope we can get together again soon!

 

 

 

 

First Day

Less technology, warmer people.  Less art on the walls, more pictures of kids and families. Less flexibility in wardrobe, more going home by 6 p.m.

So, I’ll take it!

It was mostly a day full of paperwork and introductions.  I did get a case to work on, fortunately with no pressing deadlines. Went to lunch with some associates to get the scoop, and it was nice but no huge skeletons in the closet. 

I was exhausted by the end of the day, and swearing I’d be in bed by 9.  Instead, I watched t.v. with the girls until 11.  

I’m working on getting into a routine, but there is a huge part of me that misses the very lax schedule that I had in the final months of BigFirm.  When I could crawl back into bed after going running with my friend in the a.m.  Today was my first time running with her before the new job, and instead of going on and on here and then thinking about the bed, I have to hop in the shower and get ready for work.  

 

The Best Intentions

I mean to pop in here and share photos from our birthday weekend on Martha’s Vineyard (Bliss!! Seriously!!).

I also mean to pop in and talk about the play.
Update you on the job search.
wax on and on about my mental health in the wake of the lay off.
But instead, I keep doing other stuff.

Like the play and the job search.

But not really work.

The break is nice.

I will update soon. I’m sure. Really. I swear.

An Unveiling, of Sorts

As I may have mentioned, I’ve blogged in the past. I had a “law school” blog, and then an attempt at breaking from that to a more “lawyer blog.” I found it tough to keep up a blog as a lawyer, because so much is inappropriate to blog about. And then there is the stuff that isn’t necessarily professionally inappropriate, but would nonetheless be embarrassing if I were ever discovered/disclosed. I don’t really relish people I work with stumbling across a catalog of hours I’ve worked (whether low or high), or knowing which days I chose to leave early for a play or a parent-teacher conference. Too many people “keep score”, and I choose not to play that game.
 
 
 

 
So I chose to spin off, and blog primarily about my home life. My marriage, myself, my motherhood. And I’ve been comfortable here.
 

 
Except – I miss my old moniker for my husband.  
 

 
I had such a good one. It was his name, in Hebrew, and it described him in my life. It even worked when I wanted to vent about some stupid thing he did, because it read as sarcastic.
 

 
I can’t go back to it, but I also can’t get comfortable with this “Writer-Dude”/”WD” crap.
 

 
And, so, readers.  Meet david, my husband:
 

 

 

(With Lemon in the background)

 
Next up, tales of our romantic weekend getaway in Martha’s Vineyard, including a to-die-for Chef’s Tasting menu – 5 courses of sheer bliss.