Less Cooperation

January 4, 2011

Yesterday’s post was a nice little narrative about allowing a teen to be a teen, and a cooperative solution to a typical issue (screen time).

Today’s post is the opposite.

Because yesterday was a giant fight.  Pleh.

For the most part, 14 has been fine.  But when the outbursts hit, they hit hard.  Like last night.

Starting with her laundry.  Then adding dinner into the mix.  Then the rude ignoring of a little gift I picked up for her.  Then her ignoring the technology curfew on its FIRST DAY.  Then her pitching a fit because I hate her.  Then me yelling that she needs to take responsibility for her own actions, and not try to pass the consequences off as some sort of failing of MINE.

I told her on Saturday, when we returned from our overnight New Year’s Eve trip, that she was not to go out on Sunday until after she folded and put away her clothes that were in a basket on her floor, spilling out all over the place.  She said okay.

Then WD and I went to see True Grit on Sunday, so I was not home when she left, and she did NOT fold or put away her clothes.

So Sunday night, I pointed that out to her as she was going to bed.  Like I said yesterday, she was exhausted.  I didn’t pull her out of bed to do it, but told her she had to come straight home from school before crew*, and take care of her laundry and do her homework.

It was around 5 p.m. when WD emailed me with my usual “girl update” and he mentioned that Lemon had gone to a friend’s house before crew.  “But, I told her to do her laundry!”  He knew nothing about it, and so did not enforce it, and so she trotted out the door.  Grrr.

Crew was supposed to be from 5:30 – 6:45.  We expected her home by 7, given that the high school is all of 2 blocks from our house.  When it got to be 7:10, and she still wasn’t home, we decided to eat the food that was ready and already getting cold.  WD texted her, but she didn’t respond.  Mouse helpfully suggested that her sister had been kidnapped in the course of the two block walk, and that we would never see her again.  We suggested to Mouse that given those dangers, she should no longer be allowed to walk to her friends’ houses, which are the same (or shorter) distances from our home.  She stopped throwing the bad mojo into the air.

At 7:30, Lemon came home.  And she was pissed that we’d started to eat.  Even though her explanation of why it took her 45 minutes to walk 2 blocks had to do with her stopping by a friend’s house, and then walking BACK to the high school with the friend to get something from the friend’s locker.  She was so incredibly pissy about our eating, I told her to “please change your attitude.”  She then froze a Joker-esque smile on her face for the rest of her time at the table.

Grrrr.  Again.

On Sunday, Lemon told me that she loved one of the lipsticks I got her from Sephora as a stocking stuffer, but regretted that it was a “special occasion” color.  Could I please, pretty please, with a cherry on top, get her another more natural color that she can wear every day?

And not because I love Sephora and going in there gives me ridiculous amounts of joy (especially ridiculous when one considers that I really do not wear much make up at all), but because I love my daughter (and was secretly thrilled that she asked me for a “more natural color” of lipstick), I did pick up the new lipstick, within 24 hours of her request.   When I got home, she was still at Crew (or at her friend’s, who knows), and so I put the lipstick – which was in a BOX – on her computer, where I knew she would find it.

When she got home and was so pissy and fake-smiley, I almost ran down the hall and took the damned lipstick back.  But then I thought, “oh, she’ll see it, and then feel guilty for being a snot.”  Or “she’ll see it, and then she’ll be grateful, and will drop the attitude.”  Either one would have been better than her mean-ness.

Instead, she went to her room. Then she posted something on Facebook.  Then she turned on her radio.  Then she did her homework.  Then she fought with her sister.

A couple of hours later, I said, “did you see what I got you?”  She said, “Oh, yeah, I just saw that.  Thanks.”

Impossible!  She could not have just seen it.  She’d been on her computer.  She said, “oh, it rolled off.”  But it was in a square box!

So I took it away.

I showed her.

Things really only devolved from there.  I was angry, she was angry.  I needled her.  She took a shower and cried through the whole thing.  I told her to knock it off.  She went to her room and got dressed.  I went to her room and gave her a hug.  We chatted for a while.  I reinforced that she is grounded today.  She pouted and said fine.

I think all is now well.

(And I did give her back the lipstick.)


*  Crew is a spring sport, but they have “winter training” wherein all of those who plan to do crew in the spring go to the high school and work their asses off for an hour and a half a day.  I want to do crew training, but I am too old.


One comment

  1. Let me catch you up… changing the focus from their behavior to yours, how dare you start eating without her, is the new wave in arrogance. I have a story from last summer that I am still too angry to tell. My ‘freshie’ is 17 and I’m still here to write about her : ) Hang tough momma!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: