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Racking Up the Expenses

January 19, 2011

I was very fortunate, in these bleak economic times, to receive a raise with the new year.  It was generous.  But!  guess what I did?  Well, at least I think I did … I spent it!  here are a few things I have come up with to make it so that I – actually – do NOT really have a raise:

1)  I’ve gone on and on about this.  So it’s hard to feel bad.  It hasn’t even started yet, but the ANTICIPATION of it leaves me giddy.  So giddy that I keep straightening rooms, and sweeping floors, and vacuuming carpets.  Because I know that soon and very soon, SOMEONE IS GOING TO CLEAN MY HOUSE!  Oh, praise jesus.

2)  Lemon is taking Latin.  Only not at her high school (which would be free).  With a private tutor.  At her high school, she’s taking mandarin.  She was thinking of adding Latin as a second language come her sophomore year, but then she discovered photography (an elective at the high school), and wants to continue with that, as well as with drama.  So she asked me to get her some Latin outside of school.  Oy vey [is that Latin?  No?]  I think she’s doing this for 2 reasons:  (1) obsession over the SAT [no, i do have ANY clue where that may have come from.  I do not know ANYONE who may use the word “scholarship” to an excessive degree] and (2) genuine exploration of a love of languages.  She’s done so well so easily in mandarin, and is very interested in looking at more languages in the future.  She has heard from several people about Latin as a root for Spanish, Italian and French, and hopes to pick those up quickly after Latin.  Which of these 2 goals aren’t worth supporting?  Neither!

3)   Mouse’s boobies grew.  Okay – so this was a 1-time expense (sort of), but she INSISTED on an emergency Target run last night.  Despite my obviously-not-a-true-conviction boycott against them (in light of their support of anti-gay-marriage candidates), and despite the ridiculous ice and snow on our New England roads (we were one of 10 cars in the parking lot … seriously).  Because her bras were suddenly too small.  Admittedly, calling what she’d been wearing “bras” was a pretty loose use of the term.  They were more like “cropped tank tops created some time in the 1970s” or thereabouts.  I don’t even know where she got them.  I “found” them in the house.  Maybe. Or elsewhere*.  Like another dimension.  Because I really never BOUGHT them.  So we went to Evil-Town last night, and we bought shitloads of bras from the Girls’ Section, in size L.  We were happy to find ones that were not merely gathered-in-the-center tank tops, but rather had 2 distinct panels.  They did NOT have padding.  When Lemon was at the same stage, all we could find were the “baby” (i.e., gathered tank top) bras, or padded (albeit tiny) “cup” bras.   Mouse was luckier. They are even cute.

4)  Lemon has asked me to find her someone “to talk to.”  She’s had this in the past, when her relationship with the Ex was an absolute nightmare, and i didn’t trust myself to talk to her in the neutral way that I find Very Important from a divorced parent.  She’s asking for it now because she feels like she often gets disproportionately upset about small things.  She has high anxiety.  She still has tantrums.  She’s 14.  I am 95% of the time able to manage her.  But she’s 14 … how long do my management skills matter?  I’m impressed that she can look around her and assess on her own …. “mom, when you asked me if that glass in the sink was mine, I got really upset, and I got angry.  I’ve been at my friends’ houses when their parents ask similar things, and my friends just shrug.  I think something is wrong.  I’d like to talk to someone.”   I made a few calls, I got recommendations.  I let her know what I was doing.  “Mom, I think I was overreacting … I’m fine.  I don’t want to talk to someone.”  A month later, an explosion about a homework assignment.  or about a dinner she didn’t like.  “I think, Mom, I still want to talk to someone.  And this time, if tomorrow I say I changed my mind, can you please ignore me?  And make me do it anyway?”  She starts in the next few weeks.

5)  I am fat.  I have a large ass.  I thought I could run in the winter, I thought I could take care of what I need to take care of.  But I am not doing it.  There’s snow.  slush.  tiredness.  I need to join a gym.  There’s one in my building, steps from my elevator.  i think I need to do this.  For myself, for my resolve (or lack thereof).  It’s hard to imagine a routine in which I have MORE time, but I have to.  I am currently not who I want to be, and I am the only person who can fix it.

So – see?  The raise is gone.

But so many things are potentially in order.

Important things, really.

*Lemon actually has been known to receive “hand-me-down” bras in various stages from her more-endowed (i.e., earlier developed) friends.  So it’s not so crazy that I would find undergarments that I never bought in the house.

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One comment

  1. Thanks for your recent comment! It just led me to your blog and I look forward to following you. I’ve added you to my blawg roll.



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