Archive for June, 2011


Oh, Hi There!

June 10, 2011

I’ve been quiet, huh? Much of what I’ve been thinking about and spending time doing involves either (a) work, which I won’t talk about in any level of detail, or (b) aspects of the girls’ current lives that I don’t really feel comfortable sharing.

And so, I’m quiet. Not blogging.

I am still running and walking. I’ve been easing back into the running, and it’s going well. No more injuries. No weight loss, either, but I won’t let that keep me in bed. I just need to look at my eating (and drinking) a little closer, and figure out what needs to go (wine) (and whine).

That’s all for now. I’ve got some posts brewing in my brain, so maybe more will come soon!


Struggles with Exercise

June 2, 2011

When I turned 38 last December, I set a goal for myself – by the time I am 40, I want to be fit.  Not thin, but fit.  And fit, to me, does not mean “at the bottom end of a yo-yo arc.”   It means I’ve changed my lifestyle.  I’ve created new habits, new loves.   When I envision this fit-Suzie, I envision someone who goes for a 5 mile run on a regular basis, and loves it.  Someone who is strong, not soft and flabby.

And so my sub-goal was to lose my weight by the time I’m 39, and then spend a full year maintaining the weight.

Well, I haven’t been motivated enough to think that I can safely lose all of the weight by December.  I guess I have 6 months – but I am not really all that interested in a crash diet.  I am interested in making healthy choices and ensuring I have healthy habits.  But quite frankly – I think I already do.

Based on past experience with my personal brand of weight gain and maintenance, I know that the only real way for me to lose weight is to exercise.  Despite this knowledge, and despite this goal, I still spent at least 2 months pushing snooze and sleeping until 7 or 8, instead of getting outside and running.

However, for the past two weeks, I have enlisted the partnership of a friend, and we have been meeting up at our local reservoir at 6 a.m., and holding each other accountable.

Before we met the first time, we both shared “Oh, I’m embarrassed to run with you because I’m so slow” politeness.

The reality, though, is that she kicks my ass.

I was shocked the first day at how thoroughly she kicked my ass.  I took a couple of walking breaks and panted and struggled.  But afterward, I thought “now THIS is going to work!”

I was kind of sore afterward, but I was okay with sore.  It meant I was pushing myself, and I was going to do better.

But then the muscle soreness kind of took a back seat to lower back twinges.  Twinges I don’t really have a history with.  Something new.

Then after the second day, the lower back twinges were joined by a horrible feeling in my right hip.

On day 3, I was limping.  I still walked to the reservoir.  I was unsure how my very, very sore hip would feel running v. walking.  I didn’t feel like walking was pushing anything.  But when I did a test jog, that right leg was like dead weight.  I could not jog.

She walked with me, and then I took a couple days off.  I went back out on Monday alone, and tested my hip.  I felt “okay.”  Still having lower back twinges now and again, and my hip was tender.  I jogged on and off.

We met again on Tuesday, and she ran while I walked.  I did more jogging than on Monday, and didn’t feel like I was pushing myself.

Yesterday, she had to cancel, and I didn’t go by myself, as I had an important presentation at work, and talked myself into staying home so I wouldn’t be late.

But on my way to work yesterday, I got irritated with an old, slow man walking in front of me in the T station, and went to dash around him.  My foot grabbed a crack in the stairs, and I stumbled. That stumble sent shock waves through my lower back where it had been twinging.   It went away during my walk to work, though.

This morning, we met again.  She was in a slower mode, and so we walked and jogged on and off.  Since I jogged with her, my jogging spells were faster than when I’m alone, and I also generally jogged more than I had in the past couple days.

I’d like to just run with her tomorrow, but I’m a little scared.  I’m scared that something is brewing, an injury that won’t just let me walk through it.

I also think that some of these problems are caused by the extra weight I’m carrying around.  At least 50 pounds of extra weight.  And I’ve been carrying 40-50 pounds of extra weight for quite a few years now.  And I’m not a spring chicken anymore.

Inasmuch that my weight is causing the problems, I’m 100% disinterested in NOT exercising.  But I am thinking about how to do this safely.

  • Should I add in yoga, for better stretching (I never used to have to stretch, I was always so flexible).
  • Should I see a doctor?  A chiropractor?
  • Should I keep running, as long as I listen to the signs and twinges?
  • Should I add in weight training, to strengthen surrounding muscles?

These are my questions.  I’m trying to figure out how to answer them.  I think I know that I should do strength training, and I suspect I should see a doctor.  I don’t want a doctor to be over-conservative and say “oh, don’t exercise if it hurts.”

I am unhappy.  I don’t want to have my body fall apart.  Apparently “fit by 40” was too late.

Well, not really too late, because I’m not giving up.  I’m going to work through this.




Second Guessing Myself

June 2, 2011

Last night was a crazy night of storms in Massachusetts.  The Boston area didn’t see tornadoes, but we did have a very long lightning storm followed by a huge thunder storm.  My local Facebook stream was all about the Booms and the Flashes.

After the storm, we gathered in our living room – Lemon was wet because she had frolicked in the storm with a friend, and Mouse was still jittery because the thunder makes her nervous.  As we’re sitting there, one of our neighbors drove up and 2 people got out of a car and proceeded to scream and yell at one another.  They went onto their porch, and the man yelled at the woman loudly, and they were sort of dancing around each other in their anger and argument.  The woman had a dog in her hands, and the man kept reaching toward her.  She said, “don’t touch me!” several times and skirted out of his grasp.  At one point, he reached out and snatched the dog out of her arms by its neck.  An older woman came down and joined the yelling.  The man went in the house, and the older woman yelled more at the younger woman, and the younger woman yelled back, and called the older woman “mom.”   But the man was young, and did not seem to me or to WD that he could have been the young woman’s father.

The argument made us all very uncomfortable.  It is not a typical scene on our very small street of family homes.  Most people on the street know each other, and do not engage in these kinds of things.  But we don’t know these people.  I’d never seen the older woman before in my life (which is strange, really, considering the tiny neighborhood).

While we felt uncomfortable, I also was somewhat relieved that there was no actual violence.  The snatching of the dog was rough, and the young woman protested loudly that “YOU CAN’T HOLD A DOG LIKE THAT!!!!” But the man did not touch, grab or hit the woman.  I thought that there was a chance that these people were concerned about where the young woman was during the storm.  The fight seemed to be about whether or not she was on a train, or something like that.  So I thought it was over.

But it wasn’t over.  The yelling went on for another 10 minutes.  Mouse was able to hear through their house and to ours the exact words of their argument, “I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK; I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU KNOW!”

And so … I called the police and reported a domestic dispute.

Inside of 2 minutes, 3 police cars were on our street.  They had some difficulty figuring out which apartment in the multi-unit building housed the argument, but then the dog started barking.  One of the 6 police officers came to our door to get more details, and so I bet these people know that we were the ones who called.  The police didn’t stay long, and they didn’t take anyone with them.

At the time that I made the call, I was very concerned about the argument and it seemed very extreme and out of place.  It was remarkable for our neighborhood.  The girls were watching closely, and I was uncomfortable.  It was impossible not to hear all that was going on.

But now, this morning, I wonder if I shouldn’t have called?  I’m glad that they had their extreme anger and emotions called out and stopped.  I’m sort of wondering if the young woman was actually the couple’s teen daughter.  Does that mean that the screaming, yelling, and grabbing was okay?  I do sort of feel like if she was a teen who stayed out past a curfew it was less appropriate to call – but people don’t typically scream and yell at their teens like that. Maybe I should be more comfortable calling if it was a parent/child argument, rather than an argument between lovers.

And she can’t be a young teen, or we’d know her.  She’d go to school with Lemon.  She has to at least be post-high school.

If I saw the same fight amongst people I know on the street (which is 80% of the people on the street), it would have been way out of character, and I still would have been very disturbed.  I have seen families that I know argue, and it never rises to this level.  I’ve seen teens have tantrums, break rules, etc., and I’ve seen parents’ reactions.  This was way beyond that.  This was a complete lack of control.  This was scary.

But still, I wonder if I shouldn’t have called.