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Out of Town Guest

August 22, 2011

Last week, Lemon was in the Middle of the Country with the Ex.  On Saturday, they flew together into Boston.  He’s here to spend time with Mouse, who really wasn’t interested in heading out to his house on her own.

Mouse & I picked them up from the airport.

Seeing him – every time – is stressful.  I know he appraises my appearance, and is smug about the fact that I have weight to lose.  He used to say so every time, until I snapped his head off, “You have lost the right to comment on my appearance!” I also do not know how we will get along.  If he will be cool, rude, warm … what?

He was pretty cool (as in chilly, not as in …. a cool dude).  But not rude.  We drove to my friend’s house where he was staying.  I went in with him and the girls to make sure everything was in order.  We were pretty reserved in our conversation.  I drove him and the girls to the restaurant they chose for dinner.  During that short drive, we relaxed a little, had more conversation.  I dropped them off and went home, and WD and I went out to dinner.

The girls came home at 8.  A little puzzled about why he sent them home that early.  But we had fun watching a couple of Gilmore Girls episodes.  I asked Lemon, “do you have plans with him for tomorrow?”  She said, “I guess, but I was kind of hoping to have a sleepover with some friends.”  I told her we’d figure it out with him.  If he was going to be done hanging out with the kids at 8, she could probably get together with friends at that point.  Then I asked Mouse, “did you make plans for the morning?”  And she said, “Daddy said if we’re having breakfast, he doesn’t want to invite himself over, but it could be nice.”

I checked in with WD – is he willing?  Willing, yes.  Enthusiastic, not quite.  So I went back to the girls, “do you want him to come for breakfast!”  “Yes!!”   Clear answer.  I asked them for a time and a menu, and texted the invite.

“French Toast, 11 a.m.” (sleepy-head girls).

I had evening plans.  And was thinking of cooking.  And baking.  Figured the Ex would take the girls out – wouldn’t be so eager to stick around.  Maybe gone by noon?

Try 4:30.

I ordered pizza for my company, instead of cooking.  I bought cakes at Trader Joe’s, instead of baking.

In the meantime, the Ex and I talked about the people we both knew.  The places we’d both been.  Some memories about the girls when they were small.  The moves we made.  Etc.

My friends came by at 6ish, the crowd ended up larger than anticipated.  We had fun.  Ate pizza, drank beer & wine.  A friend & I arranged for her husband – who is entering the Ex’s field – to talk to Ex.  So the Ex brought the girls back at 9ish, and hung out while my friends and I played Mah Jongg.  I was betrayed by my friends, when they laughed at his stupid jokes.

The boys talked.  The party left.  The Ex did not.

Not until 1 a.m.

This conversation, from 10:30 to 1 a.m., was a bit more …. intense.

We talked about What Happened.  The divorce – the crumble of our marriage.  The ignorant children we were at the time.

He was … very decent.  He accepted responsibility, didn’t point fingers.  Not sure there was an all-out apology, but there was definite acceptance of responsibility.  There were compliments toward the girls, and the job I’ve done with them.  Sharing of regrets and disappointments.

Neither of us said (or thought) that we wished we were still together.  That’s not what it was about.  Even with us both being a lot more mature, thoughtful, careful, and fully-formed adults, we aren’t the right people for each other.  We are both a lot happier with the people we are with.  And who knows – if we were together, still, we may not have ever been able to become the mature, thoughtful, careful, fully-formed adults we are today.

So, that was intense.

I wonder how long until our next argument?  😉

 

 

 

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3 comments

  1. It sounds like it was a healthy conversation, so I’m happy for you and very happy for your girls, who will ultimately benefit. My parents went through a rough patch post-divorce and things went a lot more smoothly for my sister and me once they started communicating better.


  2. […] Then this past summer — it was also a bit odd.  First, he said they shouldn’t go there, he would come here. Then he couldn’t come here, so he wanted them to go there.  But we’d already made plans to keep them busy because he said they shouldn’t go there, so it was tough.  But, again and as usual, we worked it out. […]


  3. […] up – my Ex. Because when he came here in August, he admitted that It Was All His Fault.  (he was right.) (His behavior hasn’t stayed great, but only about money – not about […]



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