Archive for the ‘S~ (aka “Lemon”)’ Category

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Chastised, yet again.

March 1, 2013

After yesterday’s post about what a conscientious parent I tried to be to my young children, I thought it appropriate to show how far I’ve fallen.

  • Yesterday, at the pediatrician’s office for the girls annual check ups, Jules was asked about her diet.  Fruits and veggies? check. Plenty of water?  check.  Milk and Dairy?  “Well, I have cream in my coffee every morning.”  The doctor(nurse practitioner, really) whipped her head around to shoot daggers out of her eyeballs and into my brain.  I – very maturely – returned her look with a smug look, with a bit of a giggle suppressed.  “It’s too early.  You need to stop that!”  I continued with my look, and did not agree to “stop her” from drinking coffee.  As if I didn’t choose to let her drink coffee when she asked after careful thought?  
  • On the way home from the pediatrician’s office, I got pulled over.  Awesome example for my nearly-driving-aged teens, no?  Fortunately, it was not for a moving violation – it was because my inspection sticker had expired.  On January 31st.  Oops.  We knew it was expired.  David and Juliette figured it out while Em and I were traveling last week, but David thought it was the registration.  When I got home I pointed out that, no, it’s just the inspection.  We had been joking for the past 4 days that we shouldn’t drive the car because we might get pulled over.  Then I drove the car, and I got pulled over.  The very nice police man let me off with just a warning, and I went straight to the inspection center and forked over the $29 to get a new sticker.

I’d also like to point out that their doctor appointment was at 2:15.  This required me to leave work at 1 p.m., and I opted not to go back afterward.  This 1/2 day of work gave me not only the time to take the girls to the doctor, but also to get the car inspected AND to write my first blog post in months.

Half days may be the key to the universe.  Too bad they’re also a once-every-six-months treat.  (If you can call being snarked at by a poopy-face nurse practitioner a “treat”).

 

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Hippie mom of preschoolers = chastised mom of teenagers

February 28, 2013

In the last week, I’ve been reprimanded twice for my decisions when the kids were young:

First, on Sunday, Em complained that I didn’t let them watch t.v. when they were young.  “there are so many shows that everybody watched, but we didn’t, or at least we didn’t unless it was on in the summer when we were at dad’s.  Why didn’t you let us watch t.v.”

Oh, I don’t know.  Because I thought you and your brain development would be better served by playing outdoors, reading books and drawing pictures?

“But t.v. is the one thing that connects us to other people.  Even people who don’t have anything in common at all can talk about popular television shows.  And you DEPRIVED us of this connection to our world!”

Never mind that they really did watch plenty of t.v. in the preschool years, although it was limited to PBS and Playhouse Disney — I did get stricter as they got older and the shows got crappier. They were complaining about not watching some show like the Suite Life of those boys – whatever that was.  I don’t know – I never saw it.

Then, today.  “E-Z Bake ovens are so cool, but we could never have one!”  I had to foolishly ask “why not?”  “Oh, because you hated plastic toys.  And because you didn’t want us to have gender-specific toys.  So we couldn’t have doll houses or EZ Bake ovens!”  Em went on to say “I liked my wood blocks and legos, but I wish I could have had an EZ Bake oven!”

Even though we did bake all the time …. and I am pretty proud of my teenage feminists.

 

 

 

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Drama on the Home Front

October 22, 2012

In some ways, I feel like I would have used this as a post title in the past.  I know I’ve used similar.

The nutshell:  In elementary/middle school (my girls were in a K-8 school), my kids were in plays.  And they were successful.  They had lead roles.  Because they enjoyed it and did well, I decided that it would be the way I gave back to the school.  So in my last year of law school, I offered to be a “parent volunteer coordinator.”  By the end of that year, I was a producer.

One of the best experiences of my life.

And I did that, and got to know kids and parents and processes.   I felt like what I learned as a producer informed my experiences as a lawyer.  I learned how to deal with people, how to deal with my own failings, how to rein myself in, how to deal with people, how to convince people to do things they *really* didn’t want to do.

And my girls kept thriving.  They got great roles, they enjoyed the social aspect, they had self-confidence.

Then Emma got to the high school and … well.  They didn’t cast her in any shows.  She did other things, she was resilient.  her sister – still back in the K-8 school – kept getting lead roles.

Then it was Juliette’s turn to go to the high school.  She ended her 8th grade year as the lead in Anything Goes, and she was strong in that role.

I was worried.   It might be bad to admit that I was worried that after Em was rejected for 2 years that Jules would get in to the show, and Em would feel deflated.  Now, Emma has been just — amazing.  She hasn’t been shattered by the decisions not to let her in.  She’s shrugged and said, “I just wasn’t a good fit.”  Last year, she was sad. But she spent the summer doing different acting things, and she has been really strong with crew, and she’s been fine.

But as auditions came up, it was clear that Emma wanted in.  Juliette also wanted in, but after having seen her sister struggle to get in for 2 years, she wasn’t so confident.  She was looking at the Freshman Play as her better chance.

I was really unhappy that auditions took place during my week of travel.  I stayed in touch via phone and text, but I hated being gone.  With auditions on top of sports, the girls were out of the house until 8 and 8:30 p.m., and then got home to eat dinner and do homework.  One one of the audition days, David told me that J was up until 12:30, and E until 2 a.m.

After Freshman Play auditions, J found out pretty quickly that she got a callback.  She was so very excited, and really energized.

A couple days after musical auditions, both girls found out they did NOT get call backs.  Jules wasn’t too surprised, Emma was looking at the bright side (“now I can focus on crew!”).  Emma also said, “well, the policy is that no callback doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t get a part.”  But I said that to her last year when she didn’t get a call back, and she told me I didn’t know what I was talking about.  (Hmpf.)

Then Jules went to the Freshman play callback, and felt like it went really well.

I got home Friday night, and Jules was a ball of nerves starting then and through the weekend.  “What if I don’t get in?  I really want to do the play! What if I don’t get in?  I might not get in.”

I was encouraging.  Reminded her of her past successes.  Told her I really thought she’d get in.

Monday rolled around.

Mouse didn’t get in.  She texted me, and said she was really sad.  Friends of hers did get in, and she didn’t, and the musical callbacks were the following day, and everyone was a buzz, and she had nothing.

When we were all home that evening, she just dissolved.  She cried (she doesn’t do that so often).  She was very, very sad.  I gave her hugs and let her sit on my lap (which is hard, considering I’m 5’6″ and she’s 5’8.5″).  I wiped her tears, and held my tongue when I thought things like, “it’s good to learn how to do deal with disappointment.” and “well, we still really don’t know about the musical.”  I just let her cry and told her I knew that she was very, very sad.

That was Monday night.

Tuesday a.m., she had the puffiest eyes in the world.  She went to school, still a little glum.

I started to get nervous on Wednesday because she was still glum, even a little snippy.  I didn’t want to see her get into a funk.  We started talking about her doing Volleyball on a private “club” team this winter, since she didn’t have a sport or drama.  She was game, and I thought we’d be okay.

Thursday was my big arbitration, as I mentioned.  I debriefed with colleagues, and made my way to the T station with a friend.  As I was descending the escalator at 6:15, my phone rang.  It was Emma.  She never calls, always texts.  A friend of mine recently told me that HER daughter was crossing the street and got HIT BY A CAR.  So I freaked out.  I answered the phone with “are you okay?!”  First there was nothing on the other end.  Then some yelling.  I got even more nervous, and said again, “are you okay??”  My friend was getting nervous.

“O MY GOD, MOM! THE CAST LIST IS UP AND ALKJKLJHOUWINBEOJN”

“Wait, Emma, what?!?”

“The cast list!  For the musical!  It’s up, and Juliette and I are BOTH ON IT!!!”

I then came back with “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” and then had to give my friend a thumb’s up, and she was very nervous that my daughter was dying or something.

So I asked Em if she knew if Jules knew, and she said no – Jules was at Volleyball. It was 6:35 then, and we thought Juliette was a volleyball practice, there at the school.  So Emma decided to stay at the school and be there when volleyball ended so she could be the one to tell her sister the news.

I went underground, and chatted with my friend, grinning like mad.  This was such great news for my girls.  It was so great for Em, after years of trying and being told no, and it was great for Jules to be so happy and so rewarded after such a low thinking she hadn’t made either show.

I got back above ground at 6:50, and my phone INSTANTLY rang.

“MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!!!”  It was Jules. But it wasn’t 7, so I didn’t know if Em had gone into the practice and interrupted, or what?

No.  Jules was at an away game.  Poor Emma was sitting there outside the gym waiting and doing her homework on the floor for NO REASON.  Juliette was on the bus, and a friend texted and told her “The cast list is out!  You are on it!”  And she [again] cried with happiness.  Then she called me.

I ended up texting Em to tell her that J found out.  She knew already, but asked, “please don’t tell Davey?”  So I quick texted David and said, “can you please play dumb with Emma?”  Because OF COURSE I told him the moment I found out!  But she was bummed that she missed telling her sister.

So I got home that night to 2 girls that were just exploding with happiness, and me on a huge high after the positive arbitration, and . . . wow.

Such a happy house.

 

 

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Mid Life Crisis

October 5, 2012

It’s the last day of a very long week.  I’m so tired, I feel like my tissues are melting right off my bones.

I was telling a friend today that I wished hard work – my kind of hard work – burned calories. Then I could really work my ass off.

Drove Emma* to a voice lesson tonight, and we were chatting.  She told me that she was thinking about the fact that between school, crew and homework, her days are often longer than mine.  I told her that I was not minimizing the work or stress or commitment of doing a sport (i.e., a coach to answer to, no flexibility to skip without consequences), but I really wished exercise was built into my day like that. She actually understood.

Then I had her fill out a check for me to sign, to pay her voice teacher, and she told me a funny story about when she was in Manhattan this summer – with my credit card – and people would be thrown off when one of the many checks would come back from the split bill with MY name on it.  “Who is Suz?” they’d ask.  “Oh, that’s, um, me!” she would respond.

I said to her, “you know, it wouldn’t be so bad, being me.  I have a good life.”  I told her I like my job, my husband, my kids.  She said, “wouldn’t it be funny if you woke up on the day after your birthday and you changed your mind?  INSTANT mid-life crisis.”

Then I puzzled through that for a minute  (out loud) … I had my kids on the younger side, they’re getting older while I’m still young – I’ll have an empty nest at the age of 44!!!  Does that mean mid-life crisis comes sooner?  hits harder?

Her take was this:  mid-life crisis happens when people look at their lives when they hit 40 or 50 or whatever, and they think, “crap! I didn’t do anything I wanted to do!”  “But you, you’ve done everything you wanted to do.”

I liked that.  I like thinking that’s what I’ve shown her.  That she looks at her mom and she thinks “she’s happy; she did want she wanted to do.”

Including – in largest of parts – raised [almost] daughters that I can have fun conversations with, and who sit in the dark in the car even though they’re 3 minutes late for their lesson to finish a conversation.

Happy Friday.

 

 

 

*Yeah, I know.

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Virgin Islands, Wait! (And other streams of consciousness)

October 5, 2012

I had butterflies in my stomach all day today, while gearing up to head into the partner’s office to say, “YOU do the hearing on the motions, I have a trip planned.”

I felt better than I had when I first found out about our new dates, and I also had a hugely invigorating, successful, productive day.*

So I was a little surprised when I found myself choking up when I raised the issue with the partner.

I didn’t have tears – not even close.  But my voice was weird. And I had to look down at my paper.

I couldn’t even get the words out of my mouth – I started, I said, “I planned a trip -”

And he cut me off.

“I’ll do it.”  Then the weird voice wanted to turn into tears, but it didn’t.

“Don’t even give it another thought, go on your trip, I’ll take care of this.”

Honestly, I’ve earned this.  I really have.  [redacted]

______________________________

Through this little crisis, this struggle over what it means to love my job and to hate my career choice, all at once, I’ve only solidified how much I love my firm.  The support, the love, the encouragement.  It’s come from a partner, a fellow associate, and 2 assistants.  They’ve checked in on me, cheered me on, and forced me to advocate for myself.  (not that it was THAT hard.)

______________________________

I don’t know what it means that I had a certain feeling of … self? [pride?] That my biggest reasons for hating this conflict, this tension (I love my job!  I want this opportunity!  This fucking sucks!) wasn’t about babies and kids and motherhood.  It was about me.

I mean, yeah.  The trip is with Emma, and that’s very important to me.  But the birthday party, and the weekend away with my husband, and the idea that we [lawyers?] have these plans, and they’re dashed, and we’re miserable.; that’s ME, it’s not a MOM.  We set these priorities, and they’re upended and we want to cry (or stomp our feet or punch the wall).

It’s universal.  It’s not only for moms.

Maybe that’s because I am 40, and I have so many childless contemporaries.  And my childless contemporaries – they have struggles.  they’re deeper, and they’re current, and they’re … childless.  Because they’re my contemporaries, but they’re partners.  Or they’re senior associates. They didn’t do what I did when they were 21, 22, 23.  [get married, have one, have a second baby].  And now, their bodies don’t wanna.

They don’t have a trip with their daughter.  They probably don’t want to hear about mine.

But I love these women and we have so much in common (because I’m not just a mom, I’m also ME), and I want to be close to them, and I don’t want this gulf between us because of what I have and what they don’t.  Sometimes, I feel like I don’t have what they want:  I have TEENAGERS.  They aren’t babies.  But I know I do.  Because they likely won’t have this, either.  And I, personally, love this.

_____________________________________

Anyway.

Things got fixed.  We may move the trial by a few days,** and that will be enough days to allow for my party (which I did not mention, by the way; I’m willing to roll the dice on that one).  I’ve been given permission to take my trip without worry.

___________________________________

In the meantime …

I’m over 5 years out of law school, and I’ve briefed the shit out of a lot of cases and issues, and I’ve enjoyed myself.  I’ve argued motions in court.  I’ve been on a BIG trial team where I did the prep stuff, but none of the examination of witnesses, and I’ve done a smaller trial, where I was able to delegate the prep stuff and did all of the witness examinations.

I’ve done stuff.

But I’ve never taken a deposition.

I know that there are a few of you who think, “what?  that’s crazy!!”

Tomorrow, I am noticing 4 depositions.  All of which are to be taken back here:

By me.  On (likely) Wednesday and Thursday.

On Friday, I think we’ll be holding a mediation on the same case.

And now that my trip with Emma is squared away, and my bitterness toward the locale is abating  — I’m SO EXCITED!!!

As of next Monday, I never again have to hang my head in shame and say, “I’ve never taken a deposition.”

[my mother called me fickle.  I told her she was wrong. What do YOU think?]

* a male associate came into my office today – we were both playing hooky from a firm event because of work we had to do, and we were sharing in our lament about how we had SO MUCH WORK!  He looked at me at one point and he said, “I have this impression here, that you’re at an “oh shit!” moment, because you have literally too much to do, and that you – in reality – love it.  And ‘oh shit’ or not, you’re going to get it done. And that it’s how you thrive, and that it’s what makes you happy.  Am I right?”

I smiled.  We both got back to work.

** Oh yeah, baby – I will be going back there in DECEMBER.  I’m totally going to learn to love this.

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Sunday Bullets

July 8, 2012
  • I was knocked down by a wretched virus this week.  David started to get at the end of vacation, and then it peaked for his first and second days of his new job, poor guy.  I started coming down with it on Tuesday, and it peaked on Friday.  I went home after lunch on Thursday, and stayed home on Friday.  I think that’s the first time I’ve done that since I have been working as a lawyer (2007).  I decided to go to the doctor, since I was home anyway.  I feared it was strep, and that I’d still be sick on Monday if I didn’t take care of it. My fever spiked while the doctor was examining me, and I guess I was warm enough to make him go “hmmm,” so he sent me for blood work and chest x-rays.  Everything was negative, and he decided I had “viral laryngitis.”  Today – Sunday – I finally am feeling on the upswing, and my throat is only a little sore.
  • Mouse is away for the long weekend, sharing in part of a friend’s vacation on Martha’s Vineyard.  I am jealous.  I also kind of miss her.  She stayed home from all things social on Friday to tend to me and keep me from getting lonely.  She made me lunch, brought me water, and generally spent the day hanging out on my bed with me.  We had some good chats about her thoughts and fears about high school (starting in 2 months!), and about this and that.  So now I miss her.  David rolled his eyes at me, asking what I’m going to do at the end of the month when she goes to camp for 4 weeks, and then of course – the inevitable.  
  • Lemon has been fun to be with, too.  Yesterday she was home for most of the day, and we hung out for a good bit watching Twin Peaks.  I decided that finally watching that iconic show that I have never seen (even though I was the perfect age for it when it first came out; hyper-religious parents got in the way of watching such shows) was the perfect healing mechanism for my crappy “cold.”  She’s not home today, though.  She voluntarily woke herself up at 7 a.m. to go to a crew race to cheer her team on.  (She’s not doing crew this summer, but is doing her best to stay in touch with the team, regardless.)  I woke up at 7:30, and was sure that she slept through her alarm.  But no, her bed was empty. 
  • David is annoyed with me.  The shifting is more complex than we were ready for, I guess.  I think as much as we know that we’re sharing in cooking, there is more to figure out as far as shopping, and kitchen-ownership.  Or maybe he’s just sick of me complaining about being sick, and as a result, everything I do annoys him.  Which is possible, considering that I have about a pinky toe’s worth of sympathy for him when he gets sick.  I’ve been working on that, but I’m stained with the irritability of years’ past.  Not sure I can ever recover.  
  • I’ve been pretty consistent with my low-carb eating.  It’s going pretty well.  When I was not feeling well but still had a full-on appetite, I found my mind wandering to convenience foods:  a sandwich, a pizza, a burrito.  But I resisted.  It looks like after about a week, I’m benefitting from the initial weight drop of a few pounds.  Of course, “it’s likely water” blah blah.  It will be fun to see what happens once I’m truly over this bug and I can exercise.  I haven’t been exercising consistently for a few weeks.  I may be focusing on walking, rather than running, and strength, including yoga.  My running partner is out of commission with a knee injury, and between the two of us, injuries have been plentiful.  I’m wondering if running is my “thing,” especially given my wretched feet.  We’ll see.  No reason to write it off just yet.
  • I had a small lull in work this past week.  I chose a good week to go on vacation (the week before the 4th).  Most of the office – if not the profession – took off the week OF the Fourth.  So things were slow in the office and with opposing parties.  Which is why I was able to take it easy with my illness.  But as I was lying in bed, assignments and new projects were coming in fast and furious.  Everything for “Monday.”  Tomorrow’s gonna be a doozy. 
Have a great Sunday!
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Our Final Days on Vacation.

July 1, 2012

Yeah, I missed out posting Days 5 and 6.  I have less photos, because the days were a little less cooperative.

Day 5:  We planned another field trip day, and the weather was hot hot hot.  We had been lucky all week with temps in the low 80s, and on our first field trip day, mid 70s.  But then on Thursday, it shot up into the 90s, and we all wilted.  The hurricane in the atlantic (Debby) had caused some rip currents, so we weren’t too upset about not being on the beach.  The thing Lemon really wanted to do was to go and see the site of the Wright Brothers’ first flight:

“It’s only a model.”

“Da Plane!  Da Plane!”

(As if someone else wouldn’t have come up with it if they didn’t.)

The markers indicate the first 4 successful flights.  The 4th is pretty far out into the sweltering field.  We did not visit the markers.

This was on a hill.  The hill was higher than it looked.  And it was HOT.

Monument, with a Wright Head.

Mouse, however, was miserable.  “This is all the things I hate!  Museums and airplanes!”  I gave her permission to give the Wright brothers (and the first planes) the finger, but she just glared at me. Like this:

Oscar the Mouse.

“Stop taking my picture!  I am miserable! I am sweaty! I am bored! Stop!”

So, we went to Five Guys and gorged ourselves on fries.  Then we went home, and the girls played games while David and I read books.  It was nice.

Our last day at the beach was also a bit lackluster.  It was due to be another scorcher, so we planned to get up & out earlier than usual, by 10 a.m.  (Oh, the torture that represents for a nearly-16 year old!)  But when we got to the beach, very soon after our planned time, we were greeted with a very rough sea, high winds, and pelting sand:

We went in the ocean for a bit, anyway, but it lacked the serenity of days past.  So we tried to take advantage of the wind, and fly some kites:

Lemon had some success, but Mouse’s broke.  So we tried to read for a while, but the sand was pretty sharp.

So we packed up by noon, and went and watched Brave.

Seriously, I started tearing up at the opening scene!  The opening scene!  When the mom was chasing her little girl around to tickle her, and they were so sweet.  I was all, “my girls used to be that little, and we used to chase around to tickle, and they used to giggle like that!”  And then later,  I cried more.  Then, when it ended, I sobbed.

Mouse laughed at me, but Lemon also had some heart-wrenching.  (I can’t say when, because it’s kind of a spoiler.)  But then, in perfect Lemon form, she picked on the premise afterward.  God, cartoon characters are so illogical!

Then we went home and packed, and we ate yummy foods, and we packed some more.  I found myself pretty sad about leaving.  Even though I was also ready to go.  I was sad to go.

I soothed myself by choosing next year’s house in between loads of laundry.